Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
