11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
