I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
