areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
