She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They took my balls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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