He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He felt like a one man threesome
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
