Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
