YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
