so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
