when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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