You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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