Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
