no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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