I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
