She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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