YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Less talking, more tequila
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
