she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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