i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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