it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
