i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
