Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
