So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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