Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
