: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
