Me too!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
