This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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