We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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