You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
