she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
