I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
