Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
