We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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