Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Randomize
