so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
