you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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