All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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