Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
