Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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