Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
