I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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