I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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