Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
