last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
