I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
