If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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