I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
