Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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