Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The power of my boobs compel you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
