Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she smelled like a LAN party
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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