I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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