Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
