you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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