Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
