is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
