Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
