His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
