Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
