Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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