as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
