I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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