just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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