you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
