seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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