I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
